my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize