I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Even my vagina gasped.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
pray to the hookup gods
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
