I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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