Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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