chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
