I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
