they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
