I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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