I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
