I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
