I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm always down for nudity.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
