between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
