it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The air was thick with penises
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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