Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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