Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
