just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
