1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Bring me that man meat
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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