the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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