I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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