so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize