Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
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