so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
