I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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