speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
