Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
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