He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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