I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
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That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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