So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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