He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
