My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
