K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She's the barista slut.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
