I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
