We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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