12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize