Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
