The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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