i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
