I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
