Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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