You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
