You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
