he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
