trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize