Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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