you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
