i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
