This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
