Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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