Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
