I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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