Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
