plz talk dirty to me
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
