There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Bring me that man meat
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
