sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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