Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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