Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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