We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
