I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
do herpes really smell.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
