No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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