kristin has been a bad kristin
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
