i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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