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He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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