I just cut my nipple shaving
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
