I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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