Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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