You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
